Food and Toddlers - An Epiphany

As the title so aptly indicates, this post reflects on the epiphany I had today regarding toddlers and food.   These are my opinions, and I'm putting them out here for you to read.  No matter what we say, we all judge one another.  We judge people by their clothes, hair, weight, etc.  Certainly, people judge one another's parenting styles.  So long as you're not harming your child physically, I may judge your choices but they're none of my business.  You know you do it too!

My epiphany began when a friend of mine posted this link on Facebook.  I read the post and found it very entertaining.  She's a funny and witty writer (something I aspire to be).  I agree with her that it's not the end of the world if you give your children some french fries and chicken nuggets on occasion.  In fact, the girls have had french fries, chicken nuggets, two hot dogs, pizza, Chipotle and even a fast food hamburger and fries once.  Did they enjoy it?  Of course.  Did they appear to enjoy it any more than any of the other food I give them?  No.

I generally don't really read the comments on most blogs or other sites.  However, I happened to catch a glimpse of some of the comments, and they all seemed to be negatively targeting one person - Laurel.  I scrolled through to find her comment.  She is definitely rude, snooty and approached the situation in the wrong way.  However, I generally agree with what she wrote.  This is a direct quote from Laurel (the only identifying information provided):

AAAAnd….this is why American kids have such high rates of obesity, Allison.
I do understand your frustration, and I do sympathize with you being pregnant, in July, in the city and on your last nerve. I don’t expect people to be “perfect” and certainly not little kids.
But children in other cultures NEVER eat chicken nuggets or fries. I grew up in the 50s and 60s, and I think the machinery to produce cheap, boneless chicken nuggets had not yet been invented….they simply did not exist. People didn’t have microwaves obviously, and french fries were something rarely made at home. Even yogurt was not a normal “supermarket” food! So people ate simpler and they were less inclined to give children a “special meal” of foods only a kid would eat. Mothers mostly stayed home and cooked real food, from scratch and people really DID gather at dinner and eat together! (It’s not a myth!)
SO this is a modern thing. And if you go further out to other cultures, it’s even MORE obvious. Children in India eat lentils and spicy dishes; I am sure they do not “yearn” for french fries. In Central and South American, toddlers eat fiery chili! and mashed beans and rice (daily) and tortillas.
I saw a fascinating documentary on Mongolian sheep herders, living in simple yurts. The big treat of the year was the yearly sheep slaughter, and the delicacies were things like sheep testicles and eyeballs. The eyeballs were cooked in a big pot of soup; yes they looked like what they were — boiled sheep eyeballs. Imagine what that might taste like! And the small children? excited and BEGGING for their portion of eyeballs!
So you cannot convince me that your son at 15 months “knew” vegetables were bad but french fries the most delicious thing on earth. He picked up cues somewhere — from you, your husband, babysitters or nannies or TV.
And most of all — THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART — most American children are not hungry. We stuff them day and night from infancy, terrified if they don’t get a juice box or “snack” every 2 hours. OF COURSE THEY ARE PICKY; they are not very hungry. People with sated appetites are the ones who “only” want hummingbird tongues, or a tab of organic whipped cream (from a particular special breed of water buffalo) daintily extruded on a sliver of imported 70% pure cacao organic dark chocolate. Or whatever.
BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT VERY HUNGRY.
A hungry child will eat almost anything. I’m not saying “starve your kid” and I am not recommending Joan Crawford methodology. But truly — it is hungry kids who eat what is put in front of them. Those Mongolian kids were HUNGRY; they worked all day herding sheep out in fresh air. They did not snack on sugary treats, juice boxes, cupcakes, string cheese, apple slices, stuff dipped in ranch dressing, baby carrots, yogurt cups or fruit leather. They were HUNGRY. And they also knew that if you DO NOT EAT the sheep eyeballs, then there is NOTHING ELSE TO EAT — your namby pamby yuppie spoiled urban hipster parent will NOT GO OUT and buy you a Happy Meal with a plastic toy, because they are shit scared if you miss ONE MEAL (out of six or more small meals throughout the day, plus snacks!), you will STARVE TO DEATH! on their watch! and they will go to jail! and be on the evening news! for starving their tiny adorable toddler to death!
Mongolian parents never think this, so they have happy well-adjusted kids who eat ANYTHING put in front of them, and with a smile and a “thank you, mom!”
American parents instead have spoiled, demanding little brats — 1 in 3 who are obese — even the rest are lazy, video-game playing little prats who think it is normal to be waited on hand and foot like The Sun King, and expect to have adults SERVE THEM, and that their FEELINGS AND TASTES matter greatly. (“Which brand of Greek yogurt do you like this week, Muffy? Biff?”)
Of course, feeding your kids simple foods and expecting them to eat normally would mean YOU WOULD HAVE TO GIVE UP your urban hipster lifestyle of fancy restaurants and organic veggies and “soft Hudson Valley cheeses”, because you can’t raise a well-adjusted, happy, uncomplaining healthy kid with good values WHEN YOU ARE AN UPPER CLASS TWIT with champagne tastes.
So it is your choice. It is clear here how you have chosen. (Don’t be surprised if you turn out kids who are spoiled, demanding little Emperors. Because you will.)

I've spent much of the day thinking about what she wrote - not the parts where she's insulting the author.  Kids in the US are definitely different.  At first they're coddled too much.  Meaning - when solids are started, there's a whole big deal about giving them one thing at a time and space it out to check for allergies.  OMG.  Give me a break.  I'm not concerned that the girls might be allergic to carrots or sweet potatoes.  Then, as soon as they can feed themselves, it's all fast food.  What happened to the concern exhibited with their first foods?  I'm way more concerned about all of the fat and other bad stuff in the french fries, etc.  I worry about how it will effect the girls, but I don't really worry about it when it comes to my own health - let's face it, I certainly eat my fair share of fast, unhealthy food.  Do as I say, not as I do.

I love my pediatrician.  He told me from the beginning (and exactly Laurel's point) - if the girls lived in another part of the world, they'd be eating all kinds of different foods including spicy food.  He encouraged me to feed them anything and everything (except honey before the age of 1).  I try hard to feed the girls all different kinds of food to make sure they are exposed to as many flavors and spices as possible.  They frequently eat Indian food, and they've had foods spiced with jalapenos too.  It's fine!

My true epiphany came with Laurel's comment - "most American children are not hungry."  I'm not one to constantly feed the girls snacks.  Before today, I would worry that I'm not feeding them enough even though they're not crying or asking for a snack.  After I read what she said, I realized that maybe that's why my girls are good eaters (let's hope I haven't jinxed myself here) - they're actually hungry at meal times.  I feed them breakfast at 8am, lunch around 11:30am, a snack at 3pm and dinner at 6:30pm.  That's it.  They get whole milk at all meals and water with their snack.  Most kids are always carrying a snack container and a sippy cup everywhere they go.  Not my girls.  Constant snacking is something that has become part of our culture.  I was feeling guilty that I wasn't always providing snacks for the girls, but now I feel better about my choice.  If they're hungry, they're more likely to eat what you put in front of them.  Also, I do not give them any choices (which is contrary to my Love and Logic training) when it comes to food.  This is the meal.  Take it or leave it.

I've noticed with the girls (and a point that Laurel made as well) - your kids emulate you (or the things they see most often).  Ugh - I guess that negates my "do as I say, not as I do" mentality.  We do not have a kitchen or dining room table because our house is too small (our dining room only has the high chairs set up).  So, the girls rarely see what we eat because we don't all sit down to eat together.  Robin and I are always both in the room with them when they eat though (if we're both home).  Therefore, they don't know that they can have our food or even to ask point/grab for it.  I have noticed though that if one of them isn't really enjoying the meal, if I take a bite and say "mmmmmm," then they'll start eating it too.  AND - they even say "mmmmmm" with me.  

Many people are quick to judge Laurel's comment because she was very harsh and rude in her approach.  However, in my opinion, if you read what she's really trying to say, she's right.  Now, that doesn't mean that that we should start feeding our children sheep eyeballs.  While it's nice to read a post that makes you laugh and feel good, it's also good to think critically about the choices we're making as parents.  Most certainly, the girls will be eating fast food on occasion.  However, they will eat what I put in front of them (fast food or not) or else they won't eat anything.  As they get older, the only other option available to them will be a slice of whole wheat bread in lieu of dinner.  I'm not short order cook, but I don't want them to starve either.